By all accounts of those with a vested interest in there being a "crisis" in American education, there is, indeed, a "crisis" (surprise!).
However, I have a better solution than the traditional "pump money through bureaucratic channels," and that is to enact an education stimulus package.
Billy's grades suck because he doesn't turn in his homework?
Under the stipulation of my stimulus package, Billy will receive credit for the work that he didn't do.
Jessica's grades suck because she doesn't study for tests?
No problem. My stimulus package will award her a passing grade.
Unlike Obama's economic stimulus package--which he very publicly has stated will not be a "quick fix" for the economy, if it even helps the economy at all (which Obama does imply between the lines; he just says that doing nothing is a worse alternative than trying anything)--my education stimulus package promises real results, really fast.
As soon as next week, students who were previously failing will either be passing or on the road to passing.
Critics say that my plan is ridiculous, that I'm merely increasing grades without actual learning. What they don't understand is that these increased grades are backed by increased learning.
You see, some students have really high grades, like 98% or even better. I don't think that it's too much to ask for them to give, say 5-10% to a more deserving, underprivileged student.
And if that's not enough, my plan allows us to borrow grades from future students. Among the current kindergartners, there are many who will eventually earn 98% and such on grades. If we can use their future points toward scores today, we can boost today's scores even higher. This will result in more students having good grades, which means more students in college, which means better jobs for everyone.
Effectively, my education stimulus package will accomplish all of its goals AND save the economy.
So, how about it, Obama? Make me the offer, and I promise not to decline an appointment to your cabinet.