I was driving to work this morning, and I hit a duck.
There I was, tooling along in my hooptie, listening to Drew and Mike. That's when I noticed it shoot across the road, perhaps three to four feet above the ground. I had no time to react, and I probably wouldn't have done anything anyway. There was a sudden thud as my headlight smashed into it at a cool 45 mph.
I thought two things. First, that the duck was dead. Second, that the son-of-a-drake had broken my headlight. I drove on, however, figuring that if the headlight was broken, I couldn't deal with it until after work anyway and if the duck was dead, then good. If he wasn't dead, and he'd broken my headlight, then I'd find his feathered backside and finish the job.
We were both lucky. Last I saw him, he was rebounding from my Trailblazer, flapping his wings madly, and headed back the way he came. He wasn't flying gracefully, but he did not appear mortally wounded--though it probably did hurt like hell. More importantly, there was no visible damage to my car.
According to Mitch Hedberg:
I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck, and I knew the duck was lost, 'cause ducks ain't s'posed to be downtown. There's nothin' for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop, I said, "Let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said that I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said, "Alright, well, put some lettuce on it," which she did. She said, "That'll be $1.75." I said, "It's for a duck." And they said, "All right, well, then it's free." See, I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the Steak Fajita Sub - but don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"