It's too bad, for I really like the sport; but there's something about it that just isn't appealing to the mass market. It's lacrosse and soccer on ice with an occasional fistfight thrown in, so why can't people love it? It's not as pretentious as lacrosse (and don't give me any trash about lacrosse not being pretentious--it's the sport that separates thugs with money from gentlemen with money--who invariably play polo), nor is it as wussy as soccer (sorry Steve, but I'll go to my grave believing that soccer is either lame, wussy, or lame and wussy), so why the lack in appeal?
Now's the time when someone rings in about how soccer is the most popular sport in the world, so I'm some kind of jank for ripping on it. Let me respond first. It's a pre-emptive response, and it's damn near nuclear in its devastation of the opposition.
Soccer is only popular because people in the impoverished damn countries that love it so much can't afford anything else. All you need for soccer is a freaking ball and four posts (two on each side, and they can be natural--e.g. trees--or manufactured--e.g. Pablo's younger brothers Juan, Roberto, Antonio, and Muhammad). If you don't have a ball, then you can just lop off someone's head and stuff it in a sack (if you're playing by Taliban rules, that is). It requires little strategy and is thus easy on the uneducated masses of countries like Angola and Mississippi.
That's why soccer is so popular amongst kids in the U.S. but not adults. While kids are simple-minded little mamma's boys (note that they're all from the middle class), they love soccer. Once their testes start to produce testosterone, they turn to football.
Indeed, football is a man's sport. It's aggressive, involves clearly outlined and executable "battle plans," and it's not something that someone can just pick up. It's like knighthood. You need the armor because it's brutal. In soccer, you might get hurt because you don't wear pads. In football you will get hurt if you don't wear pads, and you still might get hurt even if you do.
I would continue this rant, but Lost's season finale is on in about a minute.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Soccer: (n) Sport for wussies
For as big as hockey is in this town (it is still, I presume, Hockeytown?), it sure is hard to tell now that the beloved Wings are out of the playoffs. Check out the national sports sites. Hockey is a side note, a mere notch above horse racing, and sumo wrestling (but a couple of notches at least above sumo horse wrestling).