Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Apologies & a Minor Discourse

Yes, I know that I haven't posted in awhile. It's been a long week+2.

I've been leaving for work before 7 P.M. and not returning until close to 7 P.M. This will persist until November.

Alas! but I promise to be more vigilant in my complaints, rants, and casual observations. Here's a short one for now.

A lot of people (myself included) think that George W. Bush employs tyrannical methods of governance. However, not to excuse him but to get a clear picture of things, his record proves far better than Abraham Lincoln's.

What did Lincoln do?

Among other things, he suspended the writ of habeas corpus--even though this power is reserved for Congress (Article I of the Constitution)--and tried civilians (e.g. C. Vallendingham) in military courts for such atrocities as speaking against the Lincoln administration's tyrannical policies.

He closed down newspapers who depicted him and his administration unfavorable, going so far as to arrest editors, journalists, and even vendors.

When the Roger B. Taney, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court demanded a writ of habeas corpus for one of Lincoln's unconstitutional prisoners, Lincoln tried to arrest Taney!

After the Navy conquered New Orleans, he placed the political general Benjamin F. Butler in command of the military district. Following reports of Butler's cruelty (he executed a man who took down a U.S. flag) and corruption (you will grow weary following the money trail), Lincoln promptly did nothing.

Let's talk about underestimating your enemy's resolve. Following South Carolina's capture of Ft. Sumter (it was squarely in the state's territory), Lincoln called for 75,000 volunteers to put down the "insurrection."

Abraham Lincoln called for a reconstruction plan based upon "malice toward none." That's an easy thing to say once you have impoverished and disenfranchised all enemies who weren't slaughtered by his war machine.

Here's a little essay that I wrote a couple of years ago.


After what many deemed a “long train of abuses” by the federal government, the states of the Confederacy formed for one purpose: to establish an independent.[1] The Civil War was thus a secessionist movement, not unlike the American Revolution.[2] On the one side, Confederates fought for recognition as an independent country; and on the other side, Unionists fought to secure federal supremacy and to abolish entirely the notion of constitutional secession. The United States was to be either a loosely bound collection of sovereign states (as under the Articles of Confederation), or it was to be a single entity with a single zeitgeist, along the same pattern as the established nation-states of Europe (e.g. Great Britain) and those developing concurrently (e.g. Germany).

Secession was the main issue of the Civil War. Had there been no secession, there would have been no war. Still, individuals fought for a number of different reasons. Many on both sides simply joined because they thought that it would be an adventure, while others did not enlist at all but were conscripted. Secession (for or against) was the legal justification for both sides. The next question is why did Southerners want to secede, and why did Lincoln refuse a peaceful secession? The reasons are plenty. The war more was about economics, politics, and culture; and less about morality and idealism. These various causes coalesced into Southern secession and Northern aggression.

The Southern states seceded because they were a declining minority, and they knew it. They had for decades been well behind Northern states in the House of Representatives, and they had recently lost parity in the Senate. With the election of Abraham Lincoln as president (though Lincoln won not a single electoral vote from a southern state), only the Supreme Court remained friendly to Southern interests. However, since members of the Supreme Court were appointed by the president and approved by the Senate, Southerners knew that it was only a matter of time until they lost support from the judiciary branch as well. There was thus no separation of powers, no checks and balances, no federalism, no Constitution for Southerners; they were to be dominated politically by the North: a section that had for the past several decades been at odds with Southerners economically and politically.

That Southerners fought for the right of secession is not sufficient to explain the war; for the questions of why did Southerners wish to secede and why did Northerners wish to refuse secession remain. Of course Southerners wanted to secede because they wanted to be independent, but it wasn’t just that they fancied independence. Had they been confident that they would have been able to maintain their local customs and institutions and not have to live under a federal government lorded over by Northern interests, they would have stayed in the Union. However, they were not confident in this. In fact, they feared (and realistically so) that the political domination of the federal government by the North would mean that Southern interests would be ignored or outright bullied and assaulted; and the rise of the imperialist Republican Party meant that this usurpation was already in progress.[3]

Many historians have identified slavery as the chief cause of the war. The clearest evidence of slavery’s role in the war was its long-time status as the sectional dispute. The Republican Party was essentially born of anti-Nebraska (free-soil) factions. The Republican Party was a vast hodgepodge catering to various special-interests throughout the North, but its most basic tenet was that slavery must not expand into new territories. Knowing that such a policy was unconstitutional (see Dred Scott v. Sanford, 1857), Southerners cringed at the notion of Republican control of the White House. Of all the slave states, only four remained in the Union after that fateful Spring of 1861. Of the four "loyal" slave states, only Delaware was not rife with Confederate sympathy—for only a nominal slave-based society existed in that state. When Lincoln's armies were losing on the field, he issued the Emancipation Proclamation. The ratification, in 1865, of the Thirteenth Amendment ultimately ended the debate.[4]

So slavery was certainly an essential division and helped to facilitate hostilities, but what about slavery was so divisive? First, the Civil War was not a moral crusade waged by abolitionists in the North to redeem the nation of its sin. Slavery was an economic and political issue, and because of its obvious immorality has always been the most visible political, socio-economic difference between the antebellum North and South. Behind the issue of slavery are a number of specific economic issues ranging from the contest between an industrializing, free-labor based North and an agriculturally based South with more than four million slaves employed in the various tasks of cash-crop agriculture; however, most Southerners who fought and died in the war were not slave owners, and most Northerners who fought and died in the war were not abolitionists.[5] Yes, there were radical abolitionists in the North and radical pro-slavery men in the South, but overwhelmingly few men in either section possessed moral inclinations for or against slavery that were so strong as to inspire them to die for their causes. Furthermore, while there were many Southerners who had invested a great deal of capital in slaves (and who thus possessed a vital economic interest in its preservation and expansion), most Southerners were yeomen who owned few if any slaves. Minor slave owners would have been severely inconvenienced by abolition (which was not even Lincoln's or the majority of Northerners’ goal), but they would not have been fiscally destroyed by it. For the many yeomen who owned no slaves at all, the economic threat posed by the anti-slavery North was miniscule.[6] Slavery as an economic issue merely is simply not an adequate conclusion. Most Southerners opposed anti-slavery sentiments and policy, but not on economic grounds; and most Northerners disliked the idea of slavery, but not because they were civil rights crusaders.

The problem with identifying economic divisions as the cause of the Civil War is that the economic divisions were political in nature. Economics means the study or organization of production, distribution, and consumption. Yes, a slave society is economically different from a free-labor society, yet the problem with slavery was not an economic one.[7] Southerners were not worried that slavery would become economically unfeasible by itself; they feared that Republicans would use the coercive power of government to eliminate slavery in the territories first, and slavery in the slave states second. Free territories become free states, and free states have Northern interests and elect Northern-minded representatives and senators. This means that slavery and anti-slavery were decisively political issues.

The persistent noise made by radicals such as William Lloyd Garrison and the bold action of John Brown at Harpers Ferry (though neither man was particularly popular, even in the North) made the threat of Northern aggression against slavery seem all the more immediate. Although moralists in the North were a well-organized force, they were in no way representative of the bulk of Northern society. While many a Southerner would have enjoyed lynching William Lloyd Garrison, the most immediate threat to Garrison’s life came from a mob in Boston. Generally, abolitionists were not politically powerful (Seward’s abolitionism was a chief reason why Republicans nominated Lincoln, the free-soiler, and not him); however abolitionists’ incessant preaching provoked fear and indignation amongst Southerners.

Many Northerners were indifferent to slavery when it came to moral issues, for Northerners were every bit as racist as Southerners. In fact, the American Colonization Society was established not to free slaves but to ship freedmen back to Africa or to some undetermined Central-American colony.[8] Many Northerners did not want to abolish slavery because they were afraid that freedmen would move north, take their jobs, and mingle with their wives and daughters.[9] On the other hand, most Northerners resented the dual advantage of slaveholders: (1) The ability to farm at low-cost and (2) due to the 3/5 Compromise of the Constitution, slaves were counted for Southern representation in the House of Representatives. The Republican Party sought support from many Northerners by promising them essentially free “homesteads” in the western territories. Those who received homesteads were likely to be poor or modest Americans who could not afford land otherwise. Since these people were economically modest (at best), they would not be able to afford slaves, so free-soil went along with homesteading (free-free-soil). Northerners—the only supporters of the Republican Party—who sought to seek opportunity out west did not want to compete with Southerners’ slave labor, and they did not want to live near African-Americans. Most Northerners who really thought about it, wanted the territories to be white. That means no slavery. That means free-soil, and that means that Southern interests were at odds with Northern interests.

The “economic” issue of slavery was thus largely a political and social one, and what Southerners heard from their Northern brethren was hardly the sound of fraternal goodwill. Although few in overall numbers, the abolitionists were insatiable in their moralizing that Southerners—via the institution of slavery—were evil, corrupt, backwards, and essentially violent people (Preston Brooks did nothing to help this); and although still a minority movement, abolitionist sympathy was visibly growing in many parts of the North, especially since Harriet Beecher Stowe’s publication of Uncle Tom’s Cabin. This forced Southerners always on the moral defensive. Abolitionist groups could nearly logjam Congressional sessions with anti-slavery petitions, and when Southerners protested they were derided for opposing free speech. Anti-slavery politicians (whether for economic or racist reasons) were seeking to bar slavery from expanding into territories. John Brown slaughtered pro-slavery settlers in Kansas. New Englanders were flaunting their disregard for the Fugitive-Slave Act—a central part to the compromise that had allowed for California’s admission as a free state—with personal liberty laws. Writing for The Liberator, William Lloyd Garrison damned Southerners to Hell. John Brown killed men and seize the federal armory in Harpers Ferry and attempted to distribute weapons to slaves who would then massacre white Virginians, only for Henry David Thoreau to eulogize him as the only true man and epitome of a hero in America. To top it off, Abraham Lincoln, who was so unpopular in the South that he failed even to gather enough support to be on the ballot in some states, seized the Presidency without gaining a single electoral vote south of the Mason-Dixon line. And what did Abraham Lincoln support? He was a staunch Republican: free-soil, protective tariffs, internal improvements, and central banking. He was the first president whose entire platform was essentially hostile to Southern interests.

Slavery aside, the institution of a high (some might say prohibitive) protective tariff was another polarizing issue. Protective tariffs deal with economics, for they seek to alter the distribution and consumption of certain goods; however, like slavery, tariffs are really political policies. It’s one thing to say “Buy American,” and its another thing to use the coercive powers of the state to inflate artificially the price of imports. Furthermore, protective tariffs clearly favored Northerners at the expense of Southerners. Southerners grieved, for while the Constitution empowers Congress to enact tariffs as a means of generating revenue for the federal government, it does not grant Congress the right to use its legislative powers to influence the economic choices of free citizens and funnel money from one section to another.

To Southerners, who manufactured little, protective tariffs were a Northern scheme, promoted by special interests, to rob Southerners of their money. Many Northerners claimed that protective tariffs fostered industry in America, which was good for the country as a whole. As they continued to mature, the American textile industry would thus consume more Southern cotton, but this argument did not sway Southerners. First, whether the British or New Englanders purchased cotton did not really matter. It was still being purchased. Second, a protective tariff rang eerily similar to the mercantilist policies (Navigation Acts, Hat Act, Iron Act, Sugar Act, Townshend Acts, Tea Act, etc.) of the British, who had argued that what was good for the motherland was good for the colonies. Just as the citizens of Massachusetts had denied the right of Parliament to tax them in order to rescue the British East India Company, the citizens of Charleston et cetera refused the right for Washington, D.C., to tax them in order to benefit textile mills in Massachusetts. Southerners were farmers, the most influential of which were cotton planters. Due to the South's unique geographical disposition, cotton plantations were in no need of “protection.” New Englanders could not produce cotton in New England, nor could the British or French grow cotton in Wales or Burgundy. Since no money was taken from Northern interests to help Southern interests (no such money was needed), Southerners, by opposing protective tariffs, simply invoked the golden rule.

Federal funding of internal improvements was a political-economic issue similar in nature to tariffs. For decades, Whigs led by Henry Clay (and later Republicans led by the likes of Lincoln—who had started out as a Whig die-hard) had tried to secure support from powerful, special interests in the North by lobbying for federal subsidies of certain projects, namely canals and railroads. For which section of the country did most of these projects apply? Not surprisingly, the bulk of internal improvement designs were for the North. This would mean that federal tax dollars, much of which was taken from Southerners, would be spent “improving” the North. For the same reasons that Southerners opposed tariffs, they opposed these internal improvements. It’s not that Southerners disliked canals and railroads, but they resented the notion that money from Mississippi, Georgia, et alia should be used to build canals in Illinois (a favorite plan of Abraham Lincoln’s).[10] As largely independent yeomen, Southerners were not generally helped by tariffs or internal improvements, so they resented having their coffers looted anytime a Northern special interest cried foul over international competition or developed a grandiose scheme to dig a canal across Michigan.[11] If Michiganders, New Yorkers, or the citizens of any northern state wanted a canal, railroad, or such, then let Michigan, New York, or whomever foot the bill.

Like tariffs and internal improvements, a central bank was clearly a Northern favorite and stood well against the interests of most Southerners. This debate had deep roots in American sectionalism. The first national bank was the brainchild of Alexander Hamilton, a centralizer who saw the bank as an opportunity to plant the national government firmly in the economic life of the United States.[12] Thomas Jefferson had opposed the national bank for exactly the reason that Hamilton had supported it. After Hamilton’s Federalist Party declined into nothingness, Henry Clay’s Whig Party picked up its pieces, a chief one of which was the national bank. When the Whig Party died, Republicans carried on the tradition.

Republicans wanted to influence the value of currency and manage credit via a central bank. Southerners recoiled in distaste. A national bank was yet another weasel-concept, designed by Northerners to enrich themselves at Southerners’ expense. Southerners still held Andrew Jackson’s fear that such control over the nation’s money supply would only foster corruption in the government and disaster in the market. A national bank would hold a tyrannical power over credit, doling money out to its favorites (Northern industrialists and speculators). A national bank also would wreck the economy by weakening the currency through paper money schemes. This is why Jackson and fellow Southerners had long promoted states as the best arbiter in banking and specie—not paper notes—as the only secure form of currency. When state banks gave reckless amounts of credit to speculators and printed their own notes to use as currency, Jackson ordered that all federal land transactions be made in specie. This was as far as Jackson believed the national government could go into banking, for the Constitution provided no basis for which to establish a national bank. Paper money was a bad idea too, for it is inflationary and hard to resist printing more and more. Paper money schemers are special-interest inclined, supported by those who wish to have instant money but do not have enough on hand or sufficient capital to acquire it. The fact the Confederacy would go on to commit most egregious paper money schemes shows not their rejection of sound monetary policy but their fiscally desperate condition.

Too often historians overlook tradition as a fundamental cause of secession. After all, the American Revolution was, at its heart, a secessionist movement.[13] The American colonies seceded from Great Britain because they were tired of being exploited by the English in Parliament; so too did Southern states secede when they were sick of being looted by Northern special interests. Of course for American colonists the issue was one of not having representation (a political issue), which Southerners undeniably had. However, if the Americans had had representation in Parliament, they would have been a minority so small that it would have been impotent in promoting the colonies’ interests. Such was exactly the case of the Southerners. Government is supposed to be based upon the consent of the governed, but consent suggests majority support. In light of its minority status in the House and the Senate, Southerners could refuse consent to any number of things but still been unable to stop them. Although Hamilton #9 and Madison #10 of The Federalist Papers argued eloquently that no faction in a country as large as the United States could ever grow strong enough to oppress minority rights, neither man could have realized how sectional the United States would become. The Republican Party was completely sectional, and it had just seized control of the White House. Appreciating the tradition of secession that ran deep in American heritage and recognizing the error of Federalist #9 and #10, Southerners could rationally latch on to secession as their last, great hope.[14]

As an agriculturally based society, Southerners were prone to a very distinct political philosophy. Farmers—even subsistence farmers—tend to be of a very independent-minded ilk; and while most Northerners still farmed the land, the North was more and more being characterized by its bustling metropolises and commercial-industrial economy. To a Southern farmer, the government was an idea, not an actual force, with the mission to protect life, liberty, and property; and owing its existence to popular consent. Understandably, a man's rights in a rural setting are minimal; so Southerners had very little need for any government at all, let alone a Northern controlled federal government. The only government active in the states should be the states’ own governments, and state governments’ activity should be relegated only to measures that protected the lives, liberty, and property of their citizens. Southerners believed in strong state governments, but strong is not used to modify “state governments”; rather, it is used to contrast states with federal power. A Mississippi Delta planter expected noninterference in his affairs, but, if there must be interference from a government, it ought to come from Jackson, not D.C.

The American colonial experience had demonstrated how oppressive an “active” government could be. As traditional republicans (irony not intended), Southerners wanted a latent, not an active government. Southerners were opposed the ambitions of both forms of political activists: special-interest groups (e.g. canal diggers and railroaders who sought subsidies for “internal improvements”) and the idea of an “active” government empowered to use its force to direct socio-economic policy (e.g. protective tariffs and free-soil). Northerners, especially New Englanders with their underlying streak of Puritanism, tended to see the government as an instrument of social change and economic influence. Besides, Northerners were in the majority, and a majority unchecked will always use its power to exploit minorities.[15]

Seen in this light, the economic conflicts between Northerners and Southerners were so thoroughly mingled with political issues that they were essentially political in nature. The question of slavery in the territories was really a question about individual property rights, states’ rights, and federal incursion into these matters. If, as the Dred Scott decision stated, slaves were property and, like other forms of chattel (e.g. mules) could be brought from one place to another with no change in their status, then the federal government possessed no right whatsoever to meddle with it in the territories. Southerners thus believed that the territories should be open to all Americans and that the federal government could not justly discriminate against legal property. On the contrary, the function of the executive branch is to protect a man’s property. If tariffs and internal improvements do not “promote the general welfare,” but benefit only the welfare of a special interest, then protective tariffs and internal improvements are unconstitutional.[16] Furthermore, internal improvements are state issues, not national issues. Federal funding of them is thus an usurpation of state prerogatives.

Most white Southerners owned their own land, so they resented the Republicans’ desire to elicit support by offering (virtually free of charge) large tracts of land—land in territories in which Republicans hoped to refuse Southern interests with their catchy slogan: “Free soil, free speech, free labor, free men.”[17] Southerners had the right to ask, “Whose government is this?”

In his Gettysburg Address, Lincoln supports “a government of the people, by the people, and for the people,” but Southerners knew which people he meant, and it was not they. When they seceded, they thought that they were establishing a government of their people, by their people, and for their people. Unfortunately for them, Lincoln, the Republicans, and most other Northerners refused to recognize the right to secession. Fearing that secession would lead to a decline in stature for the United States (it certainly would have weakened the power of the federal government if the states possessed such a massive check to its ambitions) and wanting to lead the only empire of the Western Hemisphere (and avoid losing consumers of its goods to the British), Northerners waged war.[18]

In every political-economic issue, Southerners, for the most part, sided against the federal government; while Northerners, for the most part, tended to support the expanding powers of the federal government (which they controlled). It was the old argument between Alexander Hamilton, the New Yorker, and Thomas Jefferson, the Virginian.[19] And just as Hamilton took the field at Weehawken to maintain his exalted station, Northerners and Southerners alike took to other fields: Manassas, Shiloh, Antietam, Gettysburg, etc.

So the economic issues behind the war were really political issues. Then again, these economic issues tangled in political issues were also rife with cultural entanglements. Of course there were a myriad of cultural similarities between Northerners and Southerners: language, religion, and a common history; but these alone did not suffice to suppress sectional divisions. In a way, sectionalism is about culture. The word culture is rooted in the word cult, and a cult is a group of people loosely or strictly connected by similar beliefs. All religions are cults. The scientific community is a cult—or many different cults depending upon the issue (e.g. quantum mechanics versus Einstein’s theory of relativity). Political parties are cults, as are Marxist and Austrian economists.[20] In short, different “cultures” can exists amongst and within very similar groups of people, and the differences between them can often be surprisingly minor (e.g. moderate Republicans and conservative Republicans)—but these differences seem minor only to those outside of the disputing cultures’ spheres of influence.[21]

Culturally, the South had not changed much since the Revolution. When the United States achieved its independence, both the North and the South were overwhelmingly rural. Even the North’s “big cities” (e.g. Philadelphia, New York, Boston) were relatively small. By the time of the Civil War, the South was still overwhelmingly rural, but the North was changing into an urban-industrial giant. When the United States achieved independence, every one of the 13 new states was a slave state. By the time of the Civil War, slavery remained only in the South. The 19th Century saw the North’s population skyrocket through combinations of natural reproduction and massive immigration, the population of the South—while it increased—fell well behind the North and was increased by no significant waves of immigration.. Everything, it seemed, was changing in the North. Nothing much since the invention of the cotton gin had changed in the South, and the cotton gin had really only entrenched agriculture in the South. In many respects, Southerners were simply recalling their heritage. As changes in British policy and imperial arrogance had alienated American colonists from the motherland, changes in the North and Northern political and socio-economic designs for the United States had alienated Southerners.

So at first it seems like a contest over the economic policies of the federal government; then it seems that the contest is really over the political power of the federal government to support economic policies; only for it to become clear that the economic and political quarrels are both rooted in a cultural conflict. However, to say that the war was over this or that is to exclude far too much. Economics played a role in the conflict. Northern economic interests certainly played a role in their hostility to Southerners, while Southern economic interests led them to resent Northerners. What made the economic issues worse was that Northerners sought to use federal power in achieving their goals, and Southerners, who were in the minority, could not stop Northerners from doing so. Behind all of this was a generally static culture in the South resisting a generally dynamic culture in the North.

The bottom line is that Southerners did not believe that their culture was safe in the Union, so they left the Union. The conflict comes down to a changing, ambitious North and a reactionary, anxious South. To Southerners, the Republicans planned to turn the government into a fearsome leviathan, and secession was their only method of resistance. Since Republicans were essentially “empire builders” whose imperialistic and sectional plans would deteriorate upon secession, they made war upon the South. Northern democrats joined in because patriotic sirens and Southern hostility hypnotized agitated them. Southerners who stood to gain no tangible political, economic, or social advantage in the war were also nonetheless lured by patriotism to the South and a general hatred for the North. Apolitical men on both sides—and there were many men who fought for no real objective at all—took up arms because they wanted to participate in what was surely the great event of the century or because they were conscripted into service. There is no practical way to generalize the causes of the war.

One great question remains. Were the fears that led Southerners to secede reasonable? One need look no farther than Reconstruction to see that, once sufficiently empowered, the North would dominate the South and its economic, social, and political institutions. Many historians talk about Reconstruction as something of a revolution, but they tend to miss something important.[22] Southerners did not experience Reconstruction as a revolution within the South of Southerners who sought to change their culture, and what the North did was not so much revolution as exploitation.

What did Reconstruction mean to Southerners? It meant a loss of political rights, an invasion of Northern carpetbaggers seeking to exploit the Southern economy (which had been wrecked by Northern armies), and the abolition of slavery. To regain “official” statehood, Southerners had to consent to virtual extortion by ratifying Northern constitutional amendments. Known Confederate sympathizers and abettors were prohibited from voting, while freedmen were given the right to vote because propertyless, illiterate freedmen would elect Republicans (their liberators) who meted out nothing but empty promises (how many freedmen were given 40 acres and a mule?). The few Southern whites who did vote Republican were branded as scalawags, ostracized, and often terrorized by their angry, betrayed peers.

For Southerners, Reconstruction meant having to live in a country with a protective tariff, federally funded internal improvements, and a federalized bank system. All their nightmares had become true, and all that they had fought to ward off was forced upon them. Reconstruction shows clearly that Lincoln and his party fought to cement a federal presence in the South, to abolish all that it detested (for whatever reason), and augment all that it desired. And what of the moral and idealistic aspects of the Northern war effort? Reconstruction saw the end of slavery (the Thirteenth Amendment), but the end of slavery simply meant a new form of suffering for freedmen. Now they were free to starve and die. The great moralists who had talked so much of elevating the black man’s station did pitifully little to help the freedman come “up from slavery.”[23] The Freedmen’s Bureau and other "charity" organizations often served for little more as fronts to corrupt, exploitive designs.[24]

Reconstruction failed to bring about an economic revolution in the South. The South remained cotton land. The only difference was that tenant farms replaced plantations; slaves became sharecroppers. Industry did not take root in the South. Free labor was perverted into peonage, and blacks remained at the bottom of the socio-economic strata. Since they were no longer a master's property, individual blacks lost all "value" to whites except inasmuch as they could be exploited.

Reconstruction also failed to secure democracy in the South, for it temporarily eliminated most of the white franchise. The North did enact the Fifteenth Amendment to secure the right to vote for blacks—to a certain extent. Where they were practically guaranteed to vote Republican (the South), blacks were enfranchised; where the Republicans did not need a new voting bloc (the North), blacks were not enfranchised. The only black men who were given the right to vote were the men who owed their freedom to the Republican Party and remembered clearly the Democratic Party’s position on slavery. So, while Southern states were being forced to allow blacks to vote, no federal power whatsoever was exerted in “loyal” states to do so. The reason can only be that the freedmen in the South represented a massive opportunity for the Republican Party to expand its political power into Southern states. So long as blacks in the South were voting, Republicans were being elected in the South. In spite of this ulterior motive, many are willing to excuse the Republicans because it was at least a step in the right direction. However, for every step forward, Republicans took two steps back. Reconstruction was an empty victory for black civil rights. They were freed from bondage and granted suffrage, but before long most were trapped in peonage, tenancy, or marginal sharecropping. As for enfranchisement, the Ku Klux Klan soon effectively kept blacks from the voting booths. There is no lack of correlation between the “redemption” of the Southern states and the loss of black political rights in the South. As Democrats regained power in the South, new state laws circumvented the Fifteenth Amendment making disenfranchisement of freedmen a legal fact.[25] By the 1890’s only the bravest (and perhaps most reckless) blacks were voting in states such as Mississippi and Alabama.

Just because the Civil War resulted in a Reconstruction Era that saw the enactment of civil rights based Constitutional Amendments, suffrage for freedmen, and Civil Rights Acts does not mean that the Civil War was about morals or idealism. Republicans waged the war relentlessly, cutting a path of destruction everywhere the army went; and they incurred extreme losses themselves in doing so. Why were they not equally as relentless in "reconstructing" the South? Because they waged a war of conquest, not of revolution. Lincoln was honest when, in the “Gettysburg Address,” he stated his mission to ensure that Union soldiers had not died in vain. His goal was to preserve the Union, to end the idea of secession forever, and in doing so enhance the power of the federal government and achieve his political-economic agenda. Slavery died in the process, which solved the question of slavery in the territories; but beyond emancipation, the federal government did little for freedmen. If the North had truly been dedicated to a new South, then it would have done much more to ensure actual change in the South. Instead, the North let the South back into the Union, and except for the absence of slavery, considerably harder economic times for whites, and the lack of any secessionist movement of any substance, the South was pretty much as it always had been.

Confederates seceded in order to resist the implementation of Lincoln’s Republican agenda. Lincoln waged war in order to preserve and enhance federal supremacy. The Southern desire to leave an industrializing nation left them at the mercy of an industrialized army, and once the South lost, the Republican agenda showed its true colors very clearly. Republicans had political and economic motives, and Southern culture stood in its way. Once Southern culture was brought to its knees, the “revolution” was complete, and it went no farther. Since a special interest in civil rights was never at the heart of the Northern war effort, nothing other than abolition was effectively accomplished by the Civil War and Reconstruction. The various, initial overtures toward civil rights were nothing more. Once soldiers were removed from southern states, the North and the South were on the road to reuniting; but not before that. Once Republicans abandoned the freedmen and left them to their former bondsmen, the South was ready to forgive. They had fought the good fight, and after nearly three decades, the Yankees went home. Time and a Northern policy of salutary neglect, certainly not the policies of Reconstruction, healed the wounds.


[1] “Long train of Abuses,” is taken from Thomas Jefferson, The Declaration of Independence.

[2] The Declaration of Independence is nothing more than a declaration of secession from the British Empire.

[3] I use the word “imperialist” loosely to delineate the Republicans’ innate “Northerness” and desire to use the federal government as the ultimate instrument of expanding (forcing) their ideology throughout the continental United States. “Imperialist” has a very strong, negative connotation; and my decision to use it is based not out of a personal hostility to the Republican Party (then) but more to modify accurately “Republican Party” in Southern terms. It’s not so important whether or not Republicans were actually imperialistic, but that Southerners believed that Republicans were imperialists.

[4] The Three-Fifth’s Compromise, the Missouri Compromise, the gag rule, Texas’s delayed admission to the Union, opposition to the Mexican War, the Mexican Cession, the Compromise of 1850, the Kansas-Nebraska Act, the Dred Scott decision, John Brown’s Raid, etc.

[5] The best study written thus far to explain why soldiers on either side fought and died in the Civil War is James M. McPherson's For Cause and Comrades: Why Men Fought in the Civil War (New York: Oxford University Press, 1997).

[6] Non-slave owners might have faced an increased competition in the market and for land from freedmen, but that topic is debatable. When slavery finally did end in the South, the economic competition of freedmen was not a serious threat to anyone, for freedmen generally lacked the capital and the credit necessary to acquire land, farm it, and sell their harvests.

[7] For a good analysis of free labor's hostility to a slave labor see Eric Foner, Free Soil, Free Labor, Free Men: The Ideology of the Republican Party Before the Civil War (New York: Oxford University Press, 1970).

[8] See Thomas DiLorenzo, The Real Lincoln: A New Look at Abraham Lincoln, His Agenda, and an Unnecessary War (Roseville, CA: Prima Publishing, 2002).

[9] Non-slave owning Southerners also opposed abolition because they feared living amongst freedmen.

[10] Again, see DiLorenzo, The Real Lincoln.

[11] At the heyday of “canal fever,” ambitious Michiganders actually planned and began construction on a canal that was to cut across the lower peninsula of Michigan from Lake St. Clair to Lake Michigan. The plan failed when its master planners forgot to consider the cost of such a venture.

[12] Robert E. Shalhope, The Roots of Democracy: American Thought and Culture, 1760-1800 (Boston: Twayne Publishers, 1990), 147

[13] Again, see DiLorenzo, The Real Lincoln.

[14] The Federalist Papers is within the public domain and can be accessed through numerous on-line resources. Or see Alexander Hamilton et al, The Federalist Papers (New York: Signet Classic, 2003), 66-78. Also, an astute reader recognizes that I have used Lincoln’s words (last, great hope) for anti-Lincolnites. I omitted quotation marks because of the reverse context in which the words are used.

[15] “Minorities” denotes those not in the majority. It should not, in this case—or possibly any case—be understood as an innately racial term.

[16] See the "Preamble" of The Constitution of the United States of America.

[18] Once again, see DiLorenzo, The Real Lincoln.

[19] Although Hamilton was not a New Yorker by birth (he was born on the British Caribbean Isle of Nevis), it was his theory of an active and powerful central government that would characterize “Northern” political philosophy. Hamilton’s ideals would be most forcefully expressed through Henry Clay and the Whig party, which in turn molded the political philosophy of Abraham Lincoln—whose election in 1860 as president sparked secession.

[20] The term Austrian economist does not refer to Austrians per se; rather, it refers to the national identity of it founders: Ludwig von Mises and Friedrich Hayek. Austrian economists are free-market economically and laissez-faire politically. But I digress.

[21] For example, this author wonders why so much is made of the contest between John Kerry and George W. Bush; but only because he is a Libertarian who believes that both men are essentially bad for the country.

[22] See Eric Foner, Reconstruction: America's Unfinished Revolution, 1863-1877 (New York: Perennial, 1988).

[23] Booker T. Washington’s autobiography is entitled Up From Slavery.

[24] For a fine analysis of such corruption see Carl R. Osthaus, Freedmen, Philanthropy, and Fraud: A History of the Freedman's Savings Bank (Urbana: University of Illinois Press, 1976).

[25] The Fifteenth Amendment simply prevents states from barring the franchise to men because of their race. State laws requiring literacy and the ability to comprehend selected sections of the Constitution were used to prevent the largely uneducated black population from the polls. Those blacks who could make these hurdles were then “discouraged” by “other means.”

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Elections Are Coming

Election time is nearing, and anyone with a television knows it. 'Tis the season of commercials for this guy and against that guy.

They might as well be advertising self-castration kits because I don't vote.

O.K. I voted once (but I didn't inhale), against an amendment to the Michigan constitution (I voted to elect no one). Other than that, I doubt that I will ever vote again.

Many people (especially people who vote) say, "If you don't vote, then you can't complain." They say this, of course, with no real idea as to why I wouldn't vote.

I won't vote because I decline to play a part in the charade. I pretty much distrust and (ergo) dislike anyone who runs for office. Recall that South Park episode when Stan won't vote for the new school mascot because the only two choices are a douche and a turd sandwich. I realize, of course, that there are usually more than two choices in a candidate; however, all this does is make it a contest between a douche, a turd sandwich, a genital wart, etc. Please note that when voting for the lesser of two evils, you are still voting for evil, and your vote says that you support that evil.

The problem isn't who is in the government. The problem is the government. You might say that I can't complain if I don't vote, but I say that you can't complain if you do vote because you are part of the problem. I'm not playing Pilate and merely washing my hands of this. I'm not even going to ask the crowd whom to free. I'm not going to cast a vote for someone or something that favors me and potentially binds my neighbors regardless of their wishes.

I am applying the Golden Rule. I want to be left alone, so I'm going to leave others alone.

"But you have to vote," some might say. "It's important that the people's--the whole people's--will be ratified." To which, I say, "Bah!" I don't care about the people's will. I care about my will, and as long as I do not harm anyone else, then I should be left free to do my will.

Then there's the people who say that I'll never see a better government if I don't vote.

Thoreau said this in "Civil Disobedience":

" All voting is a sort of gaming, like checkers or backgammon, with a slight moral tinge to it, a playing with right and wrong, with moral questions; and betting naturally accompanies it. The character of the voters is not staked. I cast my vote, perchance, as I think right; but I am not vitally concerned that that right should prevail. I am willing to leave it to the majority. Its obligation, therefore, never exceeds that of expediency. Even voting for the right is doing nothing for it. It is only expressing to men feebly your desire that it should prevail. A wise man will not leave the right to the mercy of chance, nor wish it to prevail through the power of the majority. There is but little virtue in the action of masses of men. When the majority shall at length vote for the abolition of slavery, it will be because they are indifferent to slavery, or because there is but little slavery left to be abolished by their vote."

This Autumn in Michigan, either the Democratic incumbent, Jennifer Granholm, or the Republican challenger, Dick DeVos, will be elected governor. My Union says to support Granholm, which is an immediate check against her. However, my intellect says to reject both. As Thoreau wrote, "
What I have to do is to see, at any rate, that I do not lend myself to the wrong which I condemn," so I will not vote.

Of course others are running for office and for much better (relatively speaking) parties, but I will not vote for them either. I will save my vote for a time when it can be applied true to its merit.

"
The authority of government, even such as I am willing to submit to--for I will cheerfully obey those who know and can do better than I, and in many things even those who neither know nor can do so well--is still an impure one: to be strictly just, it must have the sanction and consent of the governed. It can have no pure right over my person and property but what I concede to it. The progress from an absolute to a limited monarchy, from a limited monarchy to a democracy, is a progress toward a true respect for the individual. Even the Chinese philosopher was wise enough to regard the individual as the basis of the empire. Is a democracy, such as we know it, the last improvement possible in government? Is it not possible to take a step further towards recognizing and organizing the rights of man? There will never be a really free and enlightened State until the State comes to recognize the individual as a higher and independent power, from which all its own power and authority are derived, and treats him accordingly. I please myself with imagining a State at last which can afford to be just to all men, and to treat the individual with respect as a neighbor; which even would not think it inconsistent with its own repose if a few were to live aloof from it, not meddling with it, nor embraced by it, who fulfilled all the duties of neighbors and fellow men. A State which bore this kind of fruit, and suffered it to drop off as fast as it ripened, would prepare the way for a still more perfect and glorious State, which I have also imagined, but not yet anywhere seen" (HDT).

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Fantasy Football 2--2006 Roster

I am in two fantasy football leagues. Several posts ago, I listed the roster in my other league. In that league, we have been keeping up to six players for several years, and you can see that I have drafted and traded wisely.

In this league, we started from scratch again (no keepers from last season) but will be allowed to keep up to one player for next season.

I had the fourth pick. This was unenvious, for the trinity (S. Alexander, L. Johnson, and L. Tomlinson) was gone, leaving me with good but not great runningbacks to choose...unless I broke with my usual strategy of drafting runningbacks in the first two rounds. Instead of picking S. Jackson (my next highest rated RB), I opted for Peyton Manning. This is how my team looks. I like it, but I don't love it. We play one QB, two RB's, two WR's, one TE, one K, and one D/ST.

QB's: Peyton Manning, Steve McNair, Matt Leinart

RB's: Willis McGahee, Warrick Dunn, Frank Gore, Greg Jones (who is injured and is slated to be replaced by L. Toefield--presuming that no one above me on the waivers list gets him first).

WR's: Plaxico Burress, Eddie Kennison, Reggie Brown, Robert Ferguson, Amani Toomer

TE's: Todd Heap, Ben Watson

K's: Matt Stover, Olindo Mare

D/ST's: Tampa Bay, Minnesota

Any thoughts?

It Looks Good on Paper, but It's Not

I've mentioned it before, and I'll mention it again. The only reason why something can look good on paper but work out badly in "the real world" is because either

A. the person who thought that it looked good on paper didn't really understand it or
B. Whatever looked good on paper was not completely put on paper or
C. Both A. and B.

In the case of the first possibility (A.), let's consider communism. Many people think that it's a great idea but that it just fails in its application. But communism doesn't look good on paper. It fails to understand the importance of property. It errors in its assessment of labor's value. And it makes myriad other social, political, and economic blunders too numerous and, quite frankly obvious (if you really think about them) to list in this forum.

In the case of (B.), let's take a look at blind dates. People like to set friends up with other friends. In doing so, they tell both friends how great the other is, and they leave out less desirable details. I recall my wife and I (though we were dating at the time) setting up a friend of hers from Albion College with a friend of ours from Hillsdale. We told my wife's friend what a great guy "John Doe" was, that he was really nice, smart, and had a great sense of humor (all true). However, we omitted the fact that he was quite bald, though only in his early-twenties (he had spent some time in the army prior to his studies at Hillsdale). This turned out to be a problem. She didn't want to date a bald guy. He only seemed good on paper because we only put on paper what we knew she would like to see. The same is true, I assume, for many of those personal ads in the newspaper.

Then there's case (C.), and maybe most cases of "It looks good on paper" are actually this (a combination of A. and B.). Consider the war in Iraq. On paper The United States could clearly defeat Saddam's armis, and it did. What the war hawks either didn't realize or didn't mention was how difficult it would be to maintain an orderly conquest. Take your pick on that one. Either they were carelessly naive, or purposefully deceitful--knowing that once American soldiers were there, they wouldn't be pulled out.

So if something looks good on paper but turns out to be a disaster in action, it was either never good on paper or doctored to look good on paper (think photoshop).

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Kris Kristofferson


If you've never listened to Kris Kristofferson's music, do so. He is a real anti-pop hero. He is not pretentious, and he has never put his image or act above his talent (e.g. just about every "star" in music history).

The following list is of only 6 recommended Kris Kristofferson songs, along with lyrics (in no particular order).

1. "The Pilgrim Chapter 33" (I get the Pilgrim part--"Searching for a shrine he's never found"--, but I've yet to figure out the Chapter 33 part. Enlighten me, if you can)

See him wasted on the sidewalk in his jacket and his jeans,
Wearing yesterday's misfortunes like a smile
Once he had a future full of money, love, and dreams,
Which he spent like they was going out of style
And he keeps right on a'changing for the better or the worse,
Searching for a shrine he's never found
Never knowing if believing is a blessing or a curse,
Or if the going up was worth the comin' down


He's a poet, he's a picker
He's a prophet, he's a pusher
He's a pilgrim and a preacher, and a problem when he's stoned
He's a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction,
Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home.

He has tasted good and evil in your bedrooms and your bars,
And he's traded in tomorrow for today
Running from his devils, Lord, and reaching for the stars,
And losing all he's loved along the way
But this world keeps right on turning for the better or the worse,
And all he ever gets is older and around
From the rocking of the cradle to the rolling of the hearse,

The going up was worth the coming down

He's a poet, he's a picker
He's a prophet, he's a pusher
He's a pilgrim and a preacher, and a problem when he's stoned
He's a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction,
Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home.
There's a lotta wrong directions on that lonely way back home.


2. "Sunday Morning Coming Down"
(For many, this is an anthem. For others, it's a reason to be thankful)

Well I woke up Sunday morning,
With no way to hold my head that didn't hurt.
And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad,
So I had one more for dessert.
Then I fumbled through my closet for my clothes,
And found my cleanest dirty shirt.
And I shaved my face and combed my hair,
And stumbled down the stairs to meet the day.

I'd smoked my brain the night before,
On cigarettes and songs I'd been picking.
But I lit my first and watched a small kid,
Cussin' at a can that he was kicking.
Then I crossed the empty street,
And caught the Sunday smell of someone fryin' chicken.
And it took me back to something,
That I'd lost somehow, somewhere along the way.

On a Sunday morning sidewalk,
Wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.
'Cause there's something in a Sunday,
Makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothin' short of dyin',
Half as lonesome as the sound,
Of the sleeping city sidewalks:
Sunday morning comin' down.

In the park I saw a daddy,
With a laughin' little girl who he was swingin'.
And I stopped beside a Sunday school,
And listened to the song they were singin'.
Then I headed back for home,
And somewhere far away a lonely bell was ringin'.
And it echoed through the canyons,
Like the disappearing dreams of yesterday.

On the Sunday morning sidewalk,
Wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.
'Cos there's something in a Sunday,
Makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothin' short of dyin',
Half as lonesome as the sound,
On the sleepin' city sidewalks:
Sunday mornin' comin' down.

3. Me and Bobbie McGee (you probably know Janis Joplin's awesome version)

Busted flat in Baton Rouge, headin' for the train,
Feelin' nearly faded as my jeans.
Bobby thumbed a diesel down, just before it rained;
Took us all the way to New Orleans.
I took my harpoon out of my dirty red bandanna,
And was blowing sad while Bobby sang the blues.
With them windshield wipers slappin' time,
And Bobby clappin' hands,
We finally sang up every song that driver knew.

Freedom's just another word for nothing' left to lose:
Nothin' ain't worth nothin' but it's free.
Feeling good was easy, Lord, when Bobby sang the blues.
Feeling good was good enough for me;
Good enough for me and Bobby McGee.

From the coal mines of Kentucky to the California sun,
Bobby shared the secrets of my soul.
Standin' right beside me, Lord, through everything I've done,
Every night she kept me from the cold.
Then somewhere near Salinas, Lord, I let her slip away,
Lookin' for the home I hope she'll find.
And I'd trade all my tomorrows for a single yesterday,
Holdin' Bobby's body next to mine.

Freedom's just another word for nothing' left to lose:
Nothin' left is all she left for me.
Feeling good was easy, Lord, when Bobby sang the blues.
Buddy, that was good enough for me;
Good enough for me and Bobby McGee.


4. "From the Bottle to the Bottom"
(a typical country song written masterfully by a true Rhodes Scholar--yes, Kristofferson was a Rhodes Scholar)

You ask me if I’m happy now
That’s good as any joke I’ve heard
It seems that since I’ve seen you last
I done forgot the meaning of the words
If happiness is empty rooms
And drinkin’ in the afternoon
Well I suppose I’m happy as a clam
But if it’s got a thing to do
With smilin’ of forgettin’ you
Well I don’t guess that I could say I am

Did you ever see a down and outer waking up alone
Without a blanket on to keep him from the dew
When the water from the weeds has soaked the paper
He’s been puttin’ in his shoes to keep the ground from comin’ through
And his future feels as empty as the pocket in his pants
Because he’s never seen a single dream come true
That’s the way that I’ve been feelin’ since the day I started falling
From the bottle to the bottom stool by stool
Learnin’ hard to live with losin’ you

You wonder if I’m better off
With freedom now to do the things I choose
With all my times my own and
I got nothin’ left but sleepin’ time to lose
There’s no one here to carry on
If I stay out the whole night long
Or give a tankerous damn if I don’t call
I’m livin’ like I wanted to
And doin’ things I wanna do
And nothin’ means a thing to me at all

Did you ever see a down and outer waking up alone
Without a blanket on to keep him from the dew
When the water from the weeds soaked the paper
He’s been puttin’ in his shoes to keep the ground from comin’ through
And his future feels as empty as the pocket in his pants
Because he’s never seen a single dream come true
That’s the way that I’ve been feelin’ since the day I started falling
From the bottle to the bottom stool by stool
Learnin’ hard to live with losin’ you


5. "To Beat the Devil" (If you can't tell by the spoken intro, it's dedicated to Johnny and June Carter Cash)

A couple of years back, I come across a great and wasted friend of mine in the hallway of a recording studio; and while he was reciting some poetry to me that he'd written, I saw that he was about a step away from dyin' and I couldn't help but wonder why. And the lines of this song occurred to me. I'm happy to say he's no longer wasted and he's got him a good woman. And I'd like to dedicate this to John and June, who helped show me how to beat the devil.

It was winter time in Nashville, down on music city row.
And I was lookin' for a place to get myself out of the cold.
To warm the frozen feelin' that was eatin' at my soul.
Keep the chilly wind off my guitar.

My thirsty wanted whisky; my hungry needed beans,
But it'd been of month of paydays since I'd heard that eagle scream.
So with a stomach full of empty and a pocket full of dreams,
I left my pride and stepped inside a bar.

Actually, I guess you'd could call it a Tavern:
Cigarette smoke to the ceiling and sawdust on the floor;
Friendly shadows.

I saw that there was just one old man sittin' at the bar.
And in the mirror I could see him checkin' me and my guitar.
An' he turned and said: "Come up here boy, and show us what you are."
I said: "I'm dry." He bought me a beer.

He nodded at my guitar and said: "It's a tough life, ain't it?"
I just looked at him. He said: "You ain't makin' any money, are you?"
I said: "You've been readin' my mail."
He just smiled and said: "Let me see that guitar.
"I've got something you oughta hear."
Then he laid it on me:

"If you waste your time a-talkin' to the people who don't listen,
"To the things that you are sayin', who do you think's gonna hear.
"And if you should die explainin' how the things that they complain about,
"Are things they could be changin', who do you think's gonna care?"

There were other lonely singers in a world turned deaf and blind,
Who were crucified for what they tried to show.
And their voices have been scattered by the swirling winds of time.
'Cos the truth remains that no-one wants to know.

Well, the old man was a stranger, but I'd heard his song before,
Back when failure had me locked out on the wrong side of the door.
When no-one stood behind me but my shadow on the floor,
And lonesome was more than a state of mind.

You see, the devil haunts a hungry man,
If you don't wanna join him, you got to beat him.
I ain't sayin' I beat the devil, but I drank his beer for nothing.
Then I stole his song.

And you still can hear me singin' to the people who don't listen,
To the things that I am sayin', prayin' someone's gonna hear.
And I guess I'll die explaining how the things that they complain about,
Are things they could be changin', hopin' someone's gonna care.

I was born a lonely singer, and I'm bound to die the same,
But I've got to feed the hunger in my soul.
And if I never have a nickle, I won't ever die ashamed.
'Cos I don't believe that no-one wants to know.



6. "Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I'll Ever Do Again)" (This is possibly the most beautifully written love song that I have ever heard. Waylon Jennings covered it, and I'll recommend his version as well)

I have seen the morning burning golden on the mountains in the skies.
Achin' with the feelin' of the freedom of an eagle when she flies.
Turnin' on the world the way she smiled upon my soul as I lay dying.
Healin' as the colours in the sunshine and the shadows of her eyes.


Wakin' in the mornin' to the feelin' of her fingers on my skin.
Wipin' out the traces of the people and the places that I've been.
Teachin' me that yesterday was something that I never thought of trying.
Talkin' of tomorrow and the money, love and time we had to spend.

Lovin' her was easier than anything I'll ever do again.

Comin' close together with a feelin' that I've never known before, in my time.
She ain't ashamed to be a woman, or afraid to be a friend.
I don't know the answer to the easy way she opened every door in my mind.
But dreamin' was as easy as believin' it was never gonna end.

And lovin' her was easier than anything I'll ever do again.



7. "Why Me" (This is perhaps the finest gospel song ever written. It's not full of the typical Christian music arrogance and pretension--e.g. "I'm saved!"--but is written from a more sincere point of view. Read the lyrics and listen to Krstofferson's version if you really want to see what I mean).

Why me, Lord?
What have I ever done
To deserve even one
Of the blessings I've known?
Why me, Lord?
What did I ever do
That was worth love from you
And the kindness you've shown?

Lord, help me Jesus!
I've wasted it so.
Help me Jesus;
I know what I am.
Now that I know
That I've needed you so,
Help me Jesus,
My soul's in your hands.

Try me, Lord.
If you think there's a way.
That I can repay
What I've taken from you.
Maybe, Lord,
I can show someone else
What I've been through myself
On my way back to you.

Lord, help me Jesus.
I've wasted it so.
Help me Jesus;
I know what I am.
Now that I know
That I've needed you so,
Help me Jesus,
My soul's in your hands.

Jesus, my soul's in your hands.


8. "Jesus Was a Capricorn" (A cynical masterpiece)

Jesus was a Capricorn, he ate organic foods.
He believed in love and peace and never wore no shoes.
Long hair, beard and sandals and a funky bunch of friends.
Reckon they'd just nail him up if He come down again.

'Cos everybody's got to have somebody to look down on.
Who they can feel better than at anytime they please.
Someone doin' somethin' dirty, decent folks can frown on.
If you can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me.

Get back, John!

Egg Head's cousin Red Neck's cussin' hippies for their hair.
Others laugh at straights who laugh at freaks who laugh at squares.
Some folks hate the whites who hate the blacks who hate the clan.
Most of us hate anything that we don't understand.

'Cos everybody's got to have somebody to look down on.
Who they can feel better than at anytime they please.
Someone doin' somethin' dirty, decent folks can frown on.
If you can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me.

Help yourself, brother.
Help yourself, Gentlemen.
Help yourself Reverend.

9. "The Taker"
(This is good advice for fathers of daughters...)

He's a giver, he'll give her
the kind of attention that she's never known
He's a helper, he'll help her
to open the doors that she can't on her own
He's a lover, he'll love her
in ways that she never has been loved before
And he's a getter, he'll get her
by gettin her into the world she's been hungerin' for

'cause he's a taker, he'll take her
to places and make her fly higher than she's ever dared to
He'll take his time before takin' advantage
takin' her easy and slow
And after he's taken the body and soul
that she gives him, he'll take her for granted
Then he'll take off and leave her
takin' all of her pride as he goes

He's a charmer, and he'll charm her
with money and manners that I never learned
He's a leader, and he'll lead her
across pretty bridges he's planning to burn
He's a talker, he'll talk her
right off of her feet, but he won't talk for long
Cause he's a doer, and he'll do her
the way that I never
And damned if he won't do her wrong
'cause he's a taker, he'll take her
to places and make her fly higher than she's ever dared to
He'll take his time before takin' advantage
takin' her easy and slow
And after he's taken the body and soul
that she gives him, he'll take her for granted
Then he'll take off and leave her
takin' all of her pride as he goes

Yes, he's a taker, he'll take her
to places and make her fly higher than she's ever dared to
He'll take his time before takin' advantage
takin' her easy and slow
And after he's taken the body and soul
that she gives him, he'll take her for granted
Then he'll take off and leave her
takin' all of her pride as he goes


10. "If You Don't Like Hank Williams" (This is what I'd like to play for those who can't appreciate music that's not on the current top 40. There's nothing special about the lyrics. It's just the sentiment.)

I dig Bobby Dylan and I dig Johnny Cash
And I think Waylon Jennings is a table thumpin' smash
And hearin' Joni Mitchell feels as good as smokin' grass
And if you don't like Hank Williams, honey, you can kiss my ass

Chorus:
'Cause I think what they've done is well worth doin'
And they're doin' it the best way that they can
You're the only one that you are screwin'
When you put down what you don't understand

I said, I dig Roger Miller, Merle Haggard; George Jones
Shotgun Willie Nelson and them rockin' Rollin' Stones
And Jerry Lee's still gotta be the coolest in the class
And if you don't like Hank Williams, honey, you can kiss my ass.

Chorus:
'Cause I think what they've done is well worth doin'
And they're doin' it the best way that they can
You're the only one that you are screwin'
When you put down what you don't understand










Friday, August 25, 2006

What I Hate Awards

I've been posting this blog for several months now. Although it hasn't even been six months, I'm ready to announce the candidates for the mid-year "Good Response" awards.

While this award involves no money or prize, other than the honor of having made consistently good responses for the past six months, it is the premier award for this blog.

The candidates are:

Golf Guy
Science Guy
Surrealist

Please respond to this post with your vote! Votes will be tallied whenever I feel like it, and they will be posted once I remember to do so.

If you would like to be recognized next Spring at the annual What I Hate Awards, please begin commenting regularly and intelligently.

Fantasy Football 1-2006 Roster

I've completed one of my fantasy football drafts. This one was the keeper league. I kept six players (noted by an asterisk). The rest I just drafted. We start one QB, two RB's, three WR's, one TE, one K, and one D/ST. I think I'm in pretty good shape!

QB's:
Payton Manning *
John Kitna

RB's:
Larry Johnson *
Rudy Johnson*
Reuben Droughns

WR's:
Steve Smith*
Plaxico Burress
Randy Moss
Reggie Brown
Keenan McCardell

TE's:
Tony Gonzales*
Jermaine Wiggens

K's:
Lawrence Tynes
Jason Hanson

D/ST:
Chicago Bears*
Philadelphia Eagles

On waivers--but not yet on my roster--are Priest Holmes (RB) and Bobby Engram (WR)

Thursday, August 24, 2006

A Seinfeld Moment


Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode in which he is scratching the side of his nose in such a way that from the other side it appears as if he's picking his nose, and then his girlfriend sees him and actually thinks that he's picking his nose? Something similar happened to me today, but it does not involve my nose or a girlfriend. Rather, it involves a man in a dirty bathroom. (If this was a TV show, then this would be a great time to cut to a commercial).

So I was at McDonald's today (I have to keep up my Elvis-esque figure--see previous post on Elvis), and I was suddenly overcome with an urge, a burning sensation in my loins that means only one thing in all languages: I had to pee.

So I walked into the bathroom, and noticed that there was only one urinal (and it was occupied, of course), so I opened the door to the unoccupied stall. Before me sat a toilet seat splattered with urine. Oh well, I thought, that just means that I am no longer bound by ettiquet and protocal to lift the lid; so I wizz away. However, I did not expel a haphazard, erratic stream. I hit my target; the mess was not mine.

On the way out of the stall, I heard the door fly open and saw a man grasping at his belt and heading straight for the stall. He clearly had a case of the Virginia Quick-Step. I swung to my side to allow him passage, and I was just at the sink about to wash my hands when I heard him swear. He must have seen the urine spattered toilet seat. While I can sympathize with the guy, he was out of line for saying sarcastically (and loudly), "Thanks. Thanks a lot." That's when I realized that he was blaming me for the mess. I wanted to protest and plead, "It wasn't me!" Instead, I just chuckled and said, "Yeah, that sucks."

The moment that those words left my mouth, I thought to myself, get out of here. And that's what I did.

I'll never know how that man's bowels held up whilst he dabbed toilet paper to the toilet seat. Part of me says that everything turned out all right for him, and that he's just a little bit ticked-off at a total stranger who he will never see again (i.e. me).

However, another part of me thinks that it would be even better if he either A. had to sit on a pee-drenched toilet seat, or B. had an "accident."

Yes, I'll admit that's just mean. However, I have applied the WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) question, and my knowledge of the Gospels doesn't help. I don't know what Jesus would have done in this situation. Maybe he would have turned the pee into wine? Maybe he would have washed the man's feat while he sat on the toilet. Then again, the guy died for our sins. I don't think that he's obligated to wipe up someone else's piss! That means that I did do what Jesus would do, so HA!

Elvis & I (an impromptu and non-alcohol induced commentary)


I have 440 Elvis Presley songs in my iTunes. He was my first favorite singer, and I've probably read a half-dozen biographies on him.

He was one of the few truly unique singers (I decline to call singers "artists," no matter how good they are at it. I can pass gas with the best of them, but I am no "artists"--though maybe a "fartist"?).

By unique, I mean his sound and style. It's all his. No one before him sang the way that he did. When he first went to Sam Phillips's studio in Memphis to record a song, the receptionist asked him if he could sing in different genres. He answered yes. When she asked whom he sounded like, he said, "I don't sound like nobody." (Let's forgive him the double negative). People used to tell Merle Haggard that he sounded like Lefty Frizzell. People used to tell David Allen Coe that he sounded like Merle Haggard. People tell me that I sound like a deaf orangutan with diarrhea. But Elvis never sounded like anyone other than Elvis.

Think about it. The only people who sound like Elvis are those who are trying to sound like Elvis. Anyone who has ever heard a live Elvis recording can also attest to his talent. Most singers sound worse live than they do in the studio, but Elvis's live recordings are perfect. In some respects, they're even better because they are more tinctured with emotion.

One interesting aspect of Elvis's voice is that it was unique and amazing. Most unique voices aren't really that great: Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Tom Waits, Eddie Vedder, Bob Dylan, Hank Williams (Sr), James Brown, Janis Joplin, Jim Croce, Kenny Rogers, Robert Plant, Louis B. Armstrong, Nat King Cole, William Hung...

The thing about great voices is that they really are a dime a dozen. Range and tone are the two key ingredients to a great voice. Consider Frank Sinatra, Celine Dion, Harry Connick (Jr), Josh Groban, Michael Bublé, Julie Andrews (by far the most beautiful female voice ever recorded), Crystal Gayle...

However, a great voice does not necessarily make a great performer. A great performer needs to have emotion and be able to evoke emotion from the audience. Johnny Cash's cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt" does this. In fact, it's this key that makes a unique but not great voice possibly more of an accomplishment and more enjoyable.

Compare James Brown's "I Got You, (I Feel Good)" to Frank Sinatra's "I've Got the World on a String." Both songs are essentially about the same thing. "I've Got the World on a String," is lyrically better than "I Got You," and Sinatra's voice towers over Brown's in overall quality; but Brown's unique voice and the way that he performed gives an intangible quality to his song that makes it not just good, but great. It actually imparts feeling good. I'm not saying that Sinatra couldn't sing with emotion. "That's Life" certainly has this quality, as do "My Way" and "Send in the Clowns," but comparatively, a song with emotion trumps one that's just sung well (e.g. good range and tone). That's why no one will remember Celine Dion in twenty years. There's nothing special about her voice. It's just good, and that's just not enough. Even when she tries to be "powerful," all she's doing is putting more air into the words. The emotion is insincere.

Compare cover songs to the originals. Very rarely do the covers have even an iota of the original emotion that made the song so great in the first place. Perhaps the best (and most awful) example of this is Madonna's cover of Don MacLean's "American Pie." In her version, the wistful angst that drove Roberta Flack to write "Killing Me Softly" is gone. However, you also have some successes. Most notable is Pearl Jam's cover of "Last Kiss." The lyrics and the beat remained the same, but Eddie Vedder added his emotionally broken voice--at times almost an in-tune moan--and made the lyrics sound the way a man who has just "Lost my love, my life that night." Jimi Hendrix added power to Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower," and got it so right that Dylan forevermore sang the Hendrix version.

A cover song only works if it is infused with that emotional touch that segregates performers from singers. This is also why great songs should probably not be covered. In as much as covering a song is concerned, Elvis Presley was in a class by himself. His cover of Big Mama Thorton's "Hound Dog" is very different from the original. It had to be, for the original was great. But Elvis brought his own Midas touch to the song, rearranged it and made it his (seriously, had you even heard of Big Mama Thorton?--Golf Guy probably saw her in concert...).

Here's some more:

Elvis and at least five other singers covered David Hill's "All Shook Up," but it's Elvis's version that survives.
"Are You Lonesome Tonight," origianlly done by Ned Jakobs
"Big Boss Man," originally by Jimmy Reed
"Blue Hawaii," first recorded by Bing Crosby (that's right, Elvis did better than Bing)
"Blue Suede Shoes" was great when Carl Perkins did it first, but Elvis made it immortal
"Help Me Make It Through the Night," originally by Kris Kristofferson, whose version is riddled with angst, but Elvis still brought something more
"Lawdy Miss Clawdy" by Lloyd Price--check out Elvis's live version from his '68 Comeback Special). It was his opening song for the special, and it was freaking perfect.
"Bridge Over Troubled Water," a Simon and Garfunkel song done perfectly by Simon and Garfunkel, but Elvis's powerful tenor does something that Garfunkel's angelic alto cannot.
"Love Me," originally by Willy & Ruth
"Love Me Tender" --I don't know the original singer, but I know that it's been covered over 20 times. Do you know any other than Elvis's?
"Make the World Go Away," was a Ray Price original/
"My Way" was a Paul Anka hit Sinatra's magnum opus, but I've got to go with Elvis again.
"Suspicious Minds" (I don't know the original)
"Sweet Caroline," a Neil Diamond classic done even better by The King
"That's All Right," by Arthur Crudup was Elvis's first hit for Sun Records
"You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling," yes, the Righteous Brothers' version is awesome, but Elvis's is perfect--especially in the one live performance when he ad libs, "Baby, baby, I'd get down on my knees for you--if this suit wasn't so tight!"

There are others, but I've made my point. With the exception of a few, Elvis's versions are the ones we remember or enjoy more. Even those ones that may not be better than the original--I'll accept challenges to "My Way," "Bridge Over Troubled Water," "Sweet Caroline," and "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling,"their only problem--if there is one at all--is that they are covers of singers who are darn near peerless in their own rights.

His impact on music and culture is manifest by the fact that so many have refused to let him die. 2Pac fans have done the same thing, but do they know that they're just doing a bad cover of something that Elvis did perfectly the first time?

So why all of this disorganized "Elvis Is Great" ranting? It's because I was looking at myself in the mirror today, and I realized that I'm a lot like Elvis. We both struggle with our weight--fat, thin(ish--in my case), fat, thin, fat, thin, etc. And we both think that Elvis was awesome. I may not have all the talent, money, and women, but let's not nitpick.

If you managed to read through this whole thing, and you have the ability and inclination, test my assertions. Pair Elvis covers with the originals. Pair Elvis originals (or covers) with subsequent covers.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Deep Thought

I caught this one today, and it made me think of Mark.

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
--Jack Handey

Flipper in Special Ed.

http://www.playfuls.com/news_001953_Dolphins_Are_Not_That_Intelligent_Study_Says.html

I've always wondered why these supposedly "gifted" creatures can't figure out how to stay away from tuna nets.

It's because they're dumb, like tuna.

It doesn't matter if they're cute. Jessica Simpson is cute. Case closed.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Freedom of Religion AND Speech

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14409224/

I am not trying to offend anyone here. The fact that I need to make such a disclaimer before a perfectly rational argument shows just how irrational is the opposition.

I believe in freedom of religion. I also believe in freedom of speech, freedom of thought, freedom of expression, and a host of other freedoms too numerous to list in this forum. I am a Libertarian, after all, so I believe in the freedom of everything excepting the infliction of deliberate and unjustified physical harm to another person, theft of another person's property, and actions all actions designed to coerce/restrict another's liberty. Did you ever wonder why religion, speech, petition, the press, and assembly were all thrown together into the first amendment? It's because they are manifestations of the same principle: liberty, without which, we are slaves.

That's why I'm so bothered by this whole depicting an image of Mohammad controversy.

Obviously, many (perhaps most--it hasn't been quantified) Muslims were offended when a Danish newspaper, Jyllands-Posten, published satirical cartoons depicting Mohammad, but I'm bothered by the tone of this reaction--violent at times, nonetheless menacing at others. I'm also disturbed by the fact that too few people have stood up in defense of Jyllandis-Posten.

That's what I'm about to do (*gasp*).

First, let me state that I believe the drawings were insensitive--I'll even grant that they were insulting. They were certainly interpreted this way.

This, however, is all that I am prepared to grant to the plaintiffs in this case.

I stated before that I believe in freedom of religion. I am a Christian, and no one has the right to harm me in any way because of this. Jews have the right to their faith without living in fear of persecution, as do Muslims, Buddhists, Voodooists, Atheists, Agnostics, Hindus, etc.

Just because I believe in freedom of religion, I have no obligation to believe that all religions are equal. As a Christian, I have to believe that other religions are mistaken. Some, in my view, can be closer to correct: e.g. Jews aren't too far off. But others, I have to believe--otherwise I don't really believe that Christianity is correct--are dead wrong.

Atheists are wrong. There is a God. They're more incorrect than polytheists. Polytheists are wrong, but at least they recognize divinity. As a Christian, I believe that Jews error in rejecting Christ as the Son of God. However, Jews are at least closer to correct than polytheists, for Jews, like Christians, are monotheistic. The fact that Christianity sprang forth from Jewish roots also means that I believe that Jews are more correct than Muslims.

Muslims actually share quite a bit with Jews and Christians (starting with monotheism), but as a Christian, I believe that the Jewish prophets (e.g. Abraham, Moses, Jeremiah, Isaiah, etc.) were actually prophets. Muslims, however, choose to follow Mohammed as their chief prophet. I do not believe that Mohammed was one of God's prophets. If I did, I'd be a Muslim. Muslims at least admit that Jesus was a prophet, but they deny that he was the Son of God. Since Jesus claimed to be the Son of God, this troubles me. If he wasn't the Son of God, then he was either crazy (for believing that he was) or a liar (for saying that he was but knowing that he wasn't). Perhaps a Muslim friend or an anonymous reader would be so kind as to explain this one for me.

Let's continue. The same set of scenarios that I established for Jesus can be applied to Mohammed. Either Mohammed was telling the truth, or he was crazy, or he was a liar. Since I do not believe that Mohammed was a prophet, I obviously believe that Mohammed was either insane or a liar. Think about it. You might be too "polite" to put it in this way--for fear of offending someone else--but the logic is solid.

Similarly, if you do not believe that Jesus was the Son of God, then you must believe that he was either a liar or a lunatic. You don't stand on good ground if you take one of those cut-and-paste approaches to Jesus: "He said a lot of wonderful things, but I don't believe that he was the Son of God." Nobody is so kind to David Koresh--either a liar or a lunatic--or Jim Jones--a liar or a lunatic--or the Heaven's Gate people--lunatics. Either Jesus is the Son of God, or he was full of B.S. or had no real idea what he was talking about.

So it's clear. I think that Mohammad was either a liar or a lunatic. Nonetheless, hundreds of millions of people are devoted to Islam, and to him he is God's most important prophet. Since they follow a man who, I have concluded, was either a liar or a lunatic, I must believe that they are mistaken at best or lunatics themselves at worse (I opt for mistaken).

I have the right to tell Muslims that they are wrong. That Mohammad was not a prophet, and that Jesus is the Son of God. I have the right to suggest strongly that they shelve their Korans and locate a copy of the New Testament (Matthew 4:17--"Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand"!). I also have the right to draw Mohammad in any setting, sculpt him however I wish, carve his image out of wood with a chainsaw, whatever. What I cannot do is force Muslims or any other non-Christians into becoming Christians. I cannot even force them to respect Christianity. Similarly, I cannot be coerced into believing or respecting the belief that Mohammad was a prophet. If I'm wrong, the consequences that await in the afterlife will be severe enough.

All people have the freedoms of speech, thought, and expression. More often than not, people use these freedoms to make asses of themselves. That's when we use our freedom of speech to say, "You're an ass!"

I do not believe that people, having these rights, should simply go about saying offensive things. However, if they wish to be friendless and jobless, then let them go ahead. What's wrong with good old-fashioned ostracism?

The Egyptian Grand Sheikh Mohamed Sayed Tantawi demands that the editor of Jyllands-Posten be thrown in jail and that the newspaper itself be forced out of circulation. But whatever cartoons Jyllands-Posten decides to print, Muslims will only see them and be thus offended if they read that particular newspaper. If that newspaper is offensive, then don't read it.

Forcing the world to respect Mohammad is very much a step in the direction of forcing the world to become Muslims. Why should people be forced to respect a man whom they regard as either a liar or a lunatic?

The only reason for respecting Mohammad and not believing in his being a prophet is the desire to be a good neighbor. I don't see any gains by offending Muslims, so I don't try to do so. However, if I have done so in the process of this discourse, then I am not sorry. I will never apologize for believing what I believe unless I am otherwise convinced of the contrary.

People who saw the cartoons in Jyllands-Posten and found the cartoons offensive have a few options. They can dismiss the cartoons as in poor taste but continue to read the newspaper. They can also decline to patronize the newspaper anymore. They can also encourage others to boycott the newspaper. What they cannot rightfully do is demand a violent solution.

Polite people won't intentionally try to piss other people off (I never said that I was polite). Impolite people might. That's why we call them jerks (among other things), and why we don't invite them over for dinner. If I'm correct, the argument against creating images of Mohammed is to avoid creating idols--to be thus worshipped. The worship of a graven image is called idolatry, and idolatry is wrong. Should some people make an image of Mohammed, say what you want about what jerks they are, but don't assume the power to punish them. That's worse than idolatry. That's assuming God's role for yourself.

Perhaps Matt Stone and Trey Parker (the creators of South Park) said it best in their two-episode critique of the issue.

Before I am dismissed as being insensitive, remember that I am a Christian. This means that I have heard, read, and seen countless acts of disrespect towards my faith. Throughout it all, however, I dared not suggest that violence be waged against the antagonists.

It doesn't feel right to end here. My gut tells me that there's more to say. However, the last time I listened to my gut, I ended up with a bad case of heartburn.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Gangstas

The Rev. Al Sharpton goes from shouting the ridiculous to stating the obvious http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14410006/.

It is wrong, he argues, for society to equate "gangsterism and blackness." He levels blame against Hollywood and the media.

Sure, and Dr. Dre, Eazy-E, Snoop, Ice Cube, 50 Cent, etc. are all just a bunch of Uncle Tom's playing into the man's hand.

The problem is that whenever whites try to don the "Gangsta" persona, they are ridiculed (think Vanilla Ice). "Gangsterism" surely does not represent all blacks, but it does represent some blacks. It is not a "White" thing at all.

Does the Rev. believe that society has blindly associated "Gangsta Rap" with the black community? Are the Crips and the Bloods a racially diverse group?

Would the stereotype fit in, say, the suburbs of Oakland County? Let's try this Eazy-E verse modified for these specifications.

"Woke up quick, at about noon,
Just thought that I had to be at Lakeside soon
I got to eat breakfast before my day begins
So I can play X-box with all my friends."

Who would buy into this? Actually, all I've done is combated one stereotype with another. However, the stereotype of the black "Gangsta" works because black men (e.g. Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, Ice-T, 50 Cent, Snoop Doggy Dogg, etc.) created and perfected it. Many academics have noted that "Gangsta" rap chronicles the daily struggles of young black men.

Critics might reply that the aforementioned enterprising individuals simply jumped onto society's stereotype and exploited it fabulously for their own personal purposes.

But let's be honest. The Crips, The Bloods, and the like hail from urban, African-American strongholds. They have no presence in the suburbs, and their membership is not racially diverse. This "Gangsta" stereotype may not apply universally in the African American community, but they do reflect a very real African American sub-culture. (Hint: It wasn't "H.W.A.:--Honkies With Attitude)

Al Sharpton's comments should not be aimed at Hollywood and the media. They should be aimed at the African-Americans who have made (and continue to make) the "Gangsta" stereotype/persona viable. They should also be leveled against the African American men who really live the "Gangsta" life.

How can the trend be put in reverse? Have 50 Cent release an album for children ("Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, I do a drive-by in my car"). Have NWA (sans Eazy-E--R.I.P) reunite for a gospel album (Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand, Muthaf---in' Jesus is the Man..." Have Snoop Dogg record songs that don't involve hoes, pimps, violence, bling-bling, ("I got a job at McShizzle's while I study at the Unishizzle of Michizzle...")

It's time for Al Sharpton et al. to stop playing the victim card. Hollywood did not create inner-city gangs and the inner-city lifestyle. Hollywood did not create the mafia, even though it produced The Godfather. It produced The Godfather because it was viable. If it had been set on in a rural farm area of western Saskatchewan, then no one would have bought into it. Hollywood doesn't make reality. There is an Italian-American mafia. They made movies about it. There are Gangstas too, and until there are none, don't ask the recording industry to pretend that there aren't.

Perhaps the real problem is that people actually like Gangsta music. I don't know why, but they do.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Dumb kids

Everyone seems to think that their kids are smart, and then they're shocked when, unsually in junior high, the kid turns out to be pretty dumb. The process begins with denial--my kid is not stupid, he's just special--or he just doesn't like the class. The next step is blame--it's those awful teachers! The final step is acceptance, but this doesn't usually show up until the kid is 30, living at home.

To parents of dumb kids, here are the top ten early signs, courtesy of David Letterman (though I changed #6):

10. Can't find the United States on a map of the United States

9. Nobody knows his I.Q. because he keeps eating the test

8. Sharpens ball point pens

7. He named his dog "Kitty"

6. He reads this blog's comments and says, "Hey, that Science Guy seems really smart."

5. Proudly wears a Knicks jersey

4. Sees photo of himself, says, "Hey, it's that guy from the mirror!"

3. Called FBI terrorism hotline to vote for Bin Laden

2. For his birthday you give him a flashlight and tell him it's a video game

1. Says, "I wish Michael Jackson was my dad!"

Remembering China's Dead

The Chinese government is outraged by Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi's decision to visit the Yasukuni Shrine, established in memory of Japanese soldiers killed in World War II.

On the one hand, this is understandable. In the Asian theater of World War II, Japan's armies slaughtered the Chinese. 1,100,000 Chinese soldiers were killed, and 1,800,000 were wounded. Even more significant is the large number of Chinese civilians who died--close to 9,000,000.

On the other hand, these complaints come from a government that has never shied away from murdering its own citizens. In fact, the number of Chinese killed by their own government exceeds those killed by Japanese soldiers by the tens of millions. Consider just one example: Mao's "Great Leap Forward" (a collectivist scheme that led to famine and suffering on a nearly unimaginable scale) led to over 20,000,000 deaths.

To this day, China maintains a strict policy of forced abortion and infanticide--to limit a population growth that had been encouraged under Mao's regime. Political dissidents continue to face deadly persecution, as do Christian missionaries.

See
www.victimsofcommunism.org, and http://www.washingtontimes.com/commentary/20031129-105900-4023r.htm

This does not exculpate Japan completely, but it should be noted that the Japanese government that trained, equipped, and deployed its soldiers to China is no longer in existence. The Japanese lost WWII and were forced (by the United States) to draft a new, liberal constitution that forbade the formation of an army capable of waging such a war ever again. Chine, however, continues under the same government, and it's army is massive and continues to threaten war against its neighbors (e.g. Taiwan); it maintains an arsenal of nuclear weapons capable of threatening anyone; and it continues to hold conquered provinces (e.g. Tibet) with an iron fist.

So Japan's Prime Minister is wrong to remember those killed under a now defunct Japanese government, but China is free to neglect its own atrocities? (Chinese textbooks completely omit every single detail!).

Let's be clear: Japan's government is to blame for many awful things from the WWII era. Let's be clearer: China's government is to blame for even more awful things ever since.

We should remember all who died at the hands of evil governments--Japan's, China's, North Korea's, China's, Germany's, Russia's, Iraq's, Iran's, Israel's, The United States', Great Britain's, France's, Vietnam's, Cambodia's, South Africa's, Sudan's, Argentina's, Chile's, Cuba's, Nicaragua's, Bolivia's, Italy's, ad infinitum.

All government's derive their power from their ability to threaten and inflict violence on their own population. There is no such thing as a benevolent government. There isn't even anything like a benign one.


Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Technical Difficulties

I've had trouble logging in lately, so that's why there have been no new posts. If all goes well, expect some good material tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

TMI

If I ever write an autobiography, I promise to omit any recollection of the gastro-intestinal distress that afflicted me this past Sunday.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

In Bad Defense of Mel Gibson


This link is to an article "explaining" for us what Mel Gibson meant in his now infamous, drunken rant of late. http://www.strike-the-root.com/62/young/young2.html

Don't bother reading this post unless you have read this article.

The argument behind this article is flawed in a few ways. First, it presumes to explain what Mel Gibson actually meant--that he blames Zionists (as opposed to all Jews) for the bulk of the government-initiated violence in the Middle East. The problem with this is that, once sober, Gibson did not qualify his statement in this manner. Instead, he apologized profusely for saying very awful things.

Secondly, the author presumes to know Gibson as "intelligent" and "thoughtful" because he (the author) has either read or heard several interviews of the actor. Is the author really suggesting that Mel Gibson is not an anti-Semite because Mel Gibson interviews well?

As far as the first part of the article (the one about the history of Hollywood and Jews), I'm not really sure where he's going. Is he saying that Hollywood is run by Zionist Jews who celebrate "the war-mongering, terrorist, American state" and are thus complicit in Israel's war in Lebanon or that Mel Gibson cannot be an anti-Semite because he works in an industry founded and run by Jews?

What's with the author's suggesting that Gibson cleverly uttered his notorious exclamations concisely so as to capture the attention of the American people without bogging them down with details that an editor (presumably the author of the article) will later, without having consulted Gibson at all, expand in much greater detail?

He states, "It's a fact that Jewish men were founders and primary players in the Hollywood media business." In doing so, he ignores another fact, that gentiles were founders and primary players in the Hollywood media business as well. He also uses the proper adjective "Jewish" when later he distinguishes between the collective Jew and the Zionist Jew. He does not call these "founders and primary players" Zionist Jews. He simply calls them Jewish men (a.k.a. Jews--the collective). Ironically, the author calls this very same equivocation error one of Gibson's mistakes (the other one being his having consumed and excessive amount of alcohol).

The author also states, "Most people, unfortunately, do not carefully listen and analyze the words of others." Hopefully, in his case, the majority of his readers are among this flock.

The article is either by an anti-Semite who is trying to defend an alleged anti-Semite or a very poorly reasoned apology by a Mel Gibson fan who happens to despise the Israeli state. I'm inclined to assess the latter as the most likely.

As far as I'm concerned, there is not enough evidence to convict Mel Gibson as an anti-Semite. What he said is clearly anti-emetic, but that doesn't make him an anti-Semite for a couple of reason. People say and do stupid things when they are drunk. People also make general statements that they do not really believe.

He could be an anti-Semite. It appears that his father is, but we shan't judge the son by the father's sins. Supposing that he is an anti-Semite, will I shun future Gibson projects? I doubt it. Just because the guy is an idiot doesn't mean that I won't enjoy his movies. I think that most Hollywood types are idiots (e.g. Sean Penn, Alec Baldwin, Oliver Stone, Michael Moore, Susan Sarrandon, Tim Robbins, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, etc.), but this has not prevented me from watching movies. Many musicians are idiots too, but I listen to their music because I enjoy their music.

That's about all I've got to say on this topic, unless someone else has something to add.

I'm Irritated


I would like to walk up to some guy wearing one of those Bluetooth headsets and just punch him in the face.

"Why did you do that?" He will cry from the ground.

"Because," I will shout between kicks to his abdomen, "you're not that important! [Kick] It doesn't make you look cool. [Kick] It makes you look [kick] like a pathetic loser [kick] who wants to be cool [kick], but rather than actually be cool, [kick] you try only to look cool."

If you think that this is an extreme reaction, you'll need to be around me on the next 90+ degree day when some guy says, "Hot enough for you?" That's when I will imagine elbowing him in the larynx and saying, "Painful enough for you?"

Of course, I would never really do any of these things. Notice that the first was introduced with "I would like" and the second with "I will imagine." I would also like to be payed a million dollars a year to post blogs bi-weekly. I will imagine that, if this ever happens, I will also have lost a lot of weight, toned up my muscles, and mastered the panflute (to break the Zamfir monopoly).

Thursday, August 03, 2006

I'm Turning 30. Big Freaking Deal

In less than one week, I will turn 30 years old.

Granted, given my philosphical dispositions, my life first began prior to being extricated via Caesarian section from my mother's womb, so I'm actually about 9 (though closer to 10) thirty years old. However, birthday is not conception day, so I'm about to turn 30.

And it doesn't bother me a bit.

Why should it? I am married to a wonderful woman, have two exceptional children--yes, I know that everyone thinks that their children are exceptional, but mine are moreso than yours, so live with it--, a job that pays me to do what I love doing, a house, a dog, cable internet service, and several powerful firearms. What more could I want in life other than a motorcycle, an Xbox 360, a PS3 (when it comes out), and for Catherine Zeta-Jones to lift that pesky restraining order on me?

I have outlived my father by three years. I haven't done anything exceptional, but I'm not finished yet. Time is relative. Take Einstein's example, and I paraphrase (and probably badly): "One minute on a hot stove and one minute beside the girl that you love: That's relativity."

I don't feel older. I feel out of shape, but that has nothing to do with my age (rather it suggests something about my eating habits and non-existing exercise regimen). I don't know why people freak out about age. It's stupid to do so, and I'm not stupid, so I don't, and I'm going to keep adding independent clauses with correlative conjunctions, and there's nothing that you can do to stop me, but I might tire soon, so you can read on and hope for the best, for I'm only a man (though a great one), and I can only be amused by something this inane for so long, and I think that I've reached that point.

See, I tire of it.

Bill of Rights