Dumb kids

Everyone seems to think that their kids are smart, and then they're shocked when, unsually in junior high, the kid turns out to be pretty dumb. The process begins with denial--my kid is not stupid, he's just special--or he just doesn't like the class. The next step is blame--it's those awful teachers! The final step is acceptance, but this doesn't usually show up until the kid is 30, living at home.

To parents of dumb kids, here are the top ten early signs, courtesy of David Letterman (though I changed #6):

10. Can't find the United States on a map of the United States

9. Nobody knows his I.Q. because he keeps eating the test

8. Sharpens ball point pens

7. He named his dog "Kitty"

6. He reads this blog's comments and says, "Hey, that Science Guy seems really smart."

5. Proudly wears a Knicks jersey

4. Sees photo of himself, says, "Hey, it's that guy from the mirror!"

3. Called FBI terrorism hotline to vote for Bin Laden

2. For his birthday you give him a flashlight and tell him it's a video game

1. Says, "I wish Michael Jackson was my dad!"