Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Dear John Doe: We Recognize your son, John Doe, As a Hero in the War Against Terror...

The army is sorry for sending "John Doe" letters to the families of fallen soldiers. Now that they've apologized for the mishap, I suppose that everything is all right for the families who must know that all would have been well had their sons/husbands/brothers/fathers not been deployed in the first place.

Does "Oops, my bad!" work for a murderer at his sentence?

Can I punch a guy in the face and then excuse myself with a "Sorry, man, I thought that you were someone else"?

Can I crap in my pants and excuse myself with a mere "Damn, you know that I just ate at White Castle, don't you?"

Well, on the latter one, the answer might actually be "Yes." But for the others, c'mon.

I like how the army tries to blame this on a private contractor. Do the families not see the subtext: We so appreciate your son's/husband's/brother's/father's sacrifice that we have paid someone else to write this letter of respect to you, Mrs. John Doe.

The army is a wing of the federal government. It does crap like that described above, and many people would prefer that it took over the health care industry.


Dear Mr. John Doe:
Your wife recently died due to liver failure. While there was indeed a liver available for transplant, we did not have forms B, C, and E submitted in triplicate. Therefore, we could not, under legislative act 13257.8543.2416 approve the transplant.
You can rest assured, John Doe, that the nation appreciates the sacrifice of Jane Doe and your family.
P.S. Don't forget that you owe us a third of your income by April 15--or else.

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