Mark's Haunted Room

Last night, Mark (age 3) lumbered out of his bedroom into ours.

"What's wrong, buddy?" my wife asked.
"I'm scared," he mumbled.
"Scared of what?" I added.
"I'm scared of my room," he said.

This confused me a bit because the kid isn't scared of anything.

"Why's your room scary?" I inquired.
"My room talks to me," he replied.

At this point, I started to chuckle a bit, but I must admit to being a bit uneasy. All I could think of was that kid in The Shining. For a moment, I wondered if Mark had written "Redrum" on the wall.

"Your room talks to you?" my wife asked.
"Yes. It says bad things."

At this point, I'm figuring that he'd either come up with a great excuse to climb into bed with us, or he'd heard some voice saying, "Kill them all!" Perhaps it was both.

"What does your room say?" I questioned, wondering if they made straight jackets in his size.
"It says a the S-word."
"The S-word?"
"Yes."
"Shoot?"
"No, shit."

I couldn't help it. I started laughing. I don't let my kids swear, but he wasn't cursing. He was just repeating (sort of, I mean, I don't think that his room actually said the S-word).

"Your room says shit?"
"Yes. I'm scared of my room, and I want to sleep with you guys."

I looked at my wife and mouthed "What?" She shook her head in uncertainty.

That's when it dawned on me. I have my Xbox 360 hooked up in my basement, and the TV is right below his bedroom. Whenever I play, it's clearly audible through the vent in his floor. He must have either heard dialogue from Gears of War, or perhaps he heard an inadvertent exclamation from me during one of the harder levels. At any rate, I no longer worried that the kid was schizophrenic. In fact, I was greatful that the only word "his room said" was the S-word.

"Mark?" I said.
"What?"
"How about if I take you to your room and tell your room to be quiet?"
"No, I'm scared!"
"It's OK," I assured, "I'll come with you."

So I took his hand, and we entered his room.

"OK, room, you need to stop talking!" I ordered. "If you say the S-word, then I'm going to spank you on the wall."

That seemed to work. I helped Mark into bed and covered him.

"Will you sleep with me?" he asked.
"No, buddy. I'm going to my room. But I'll leave your door open, and you come tell me if your room keeps talking, OK?"

He didn't even answer. He rolled over onto his stomach and was asleep before I left the room.