The Cure (not the band)

I believe in charities. They actually seek to do good, and they aim no guns at people to force donations--unlike the government, which will harm you if you don't cough up the cash. In most cases (though I really haven't quantified it), charities also do more for the people who need help than the government does.

But what's with the marches? Seriously, it's marching season again, and they're going to resume all over the place. Militant activists march, but middle class yahoos (who want to feel like they're doing something other than living a life that is merely the downtime between episodes of House, MD) usually "walk." You've seen these, surely.

March/Walk to cure cancer.
March/Walk to cure breast cancer.
March/Walk to cure skin cancer (bring your freaking sun block)
March/Walk to cure diabetes.
March/Walk to cure juvenile diabetes.
March/Walk to cure this.
And March/Walk to cure that.

Seriously, I think that they're silly. Marches and/or walks don't cure anything. What they need is money. Just cough it up if you care, because you're not curing diabetes because you walked around the Oakland University campus.

Hands down the worst are the AIDS activists. They walk, they march, they talk, they shout, they bemoan--all for a disease that is spread voluntarily. Like I said before, it's not like the plague, flu, or chicken pox. You don't get AIDS just by being around. You have to be around, that's for sure, but it's a little bit more involved than that.

The AIDS activists' coup de grace is their giant quilt. Of course, that's what we needed twenty-five years ago! If we'd made a giant quilt in 1981--when the CDC first started noticing AIDS related symptoms in gay men, women, and IV drug users--then Liberace would still be with us today.

A quilt will not cure AIDS. And don't tell me it's the symbolic value, that it raises awareness and such. If you want symbolic value etc., then make a giant condom. Now that would get publicity. Imagine, a group of dedicated AIDS activists acquires a helicopter and drops a 152 foot Trojan right on top of the Statue of Liberty, the reservoir tip would cover the torch (come on, you can picture it); it rolls all the way to the ground, soaking tourists in nonoxynol-9. Tell me that wouldn't be noticed a heck of a lot more than a stinking quilt: Lady Liberty enshrouded by a giant condom (ribbed for her pleasure, of course).

What will cure diseases or aid those afflicted with them is not marches, walks, quilts or even giant condoms. Money, straight donations to reputable charities is the trick. Certain diseases such as AIDS, diabetes, and certain forms of cancer, can be prevented if people simply improved their habits. AIDS is 100% preventable. Diabetes is often caused due to people's poor diets. Cancers too can be prevented (or at least reduced) with sun block (skin cancer), temperance (smoking), etc. None of these diseases rank with the bubonic plague. The black death swept through Europe like a scythe at harvest time, and there was nothing that people could do but pray and bury the dead. There's plenty of things we can do about today's epidemics that won't cost a single dime. So let's stop bemoaning and do it, or at least stop bemoaning for goodness sake.